30. Negative Thinking

The main problem with negative thinking is that your brain becomes programmed to find the bad in all people, places, and things.

This is annoying because your productivity halts as your mind plays over scenarios whereby every action you take is a waste of time and energy. In other words, being in this state is the polar opposite state to that of having fun.

Also, negative thinking is annoying for these reasons:

1. Negative thinking can actually help you in some cases

While most motivational speakers and books rail on the idea of “better safe than sorry,” ignoring this idea can prove harmful in some cases. What makes this dynamic annoying is the fact that we may feel bad about thinking negatively or doing what is safe even when the darker thought pattern suits us better.

For example, if you are an out-of-shape fifty-something who is afflicted with Rheumatoid Arthritis, you may want to shelve your dream of being a professional cage fighter. Sure, the Law of Attraction encourages you to imagine how it would feel to be in the octagon doing battle with a worthy opponent.

However, if negative thinking creeps in and you visualize yourself also getting kicked in the head so hard that you can hear colors and taste metal, that’s okay. By worrying that your first fight will land you a lengthy hospital stay – where you are so badly maimed that you cannot even wipe yourself – you have really succeeded.

2. After a while, thinking negatively feels kinda good

In a world full of rules, the mere act of disregarding what is “right” can be pleasurable or, at least, entertaining. Whether it’s a rule about money, health, or relationships, doing the opposite of what is “good for you” can lead to some pretty fun times (even if your life is circling the drain later on).

The same principle applies to negative thinking as well. For example, in any difficult situation you are always advised to “look at the bright side.” Now, seeing the good in a bad situation and hoping for a positive outcome takes a lot of work and a corresponding leap of faith. This forced positive attitude denies you the cathartic benefits of truly feeling that everything around you is falling apart.

Less work is required to imagine the worst possible outcome and attach a few other dire scenarios to it as well. By stewing in the dread of your miserable future, reality may later prove to be a welcomed surprise. Plus, the stewing part starts to become strangely comforting after a while.

For example, if your boss tells you that he “would like to meet with you later to talk about some things,” you may mistakenly think nothing of his request. In this case, it is highly recommended that you assume you are being fired.

Also, you may want to assume that you’ll never find another job and you’ll later die broke, alone, and 150 lbs. overweight. This overblown doomsday thinking will set you up for success when your original scenario does not play out. That is, yes, you’re getting fired but you won’t die broke, alone, and obese. You’ll die with a sizable coin collection, 16 house cats, and only 50 lbs. overweight.

3. If other people suspect you are thinking negatively, they will try to “help” you

One of the worst things you can do around friends or co-workers is not pretend to be in a good mood. That is, if someone catches a whiff that you are in a down mood, they often times may try to preach to you with their own brand of half-glass-full wisdom.

Ironically, the last thing that can motivate you out of a shitty mood is some happy, smiley do-gooder who wants to lend you his copy of The Secret. While this guy is telling you that you should “turn that frown upside down” and “have an attitude of gratitude,” you are summoning all of your powers of restraint to avoid letting the words “FUCK OFF!” exit your lips.

In this case, it is highly recommended that you feign enthusiasm for this person’s message. At the same time, you should also try to make them totally regret trying to help you (note: lying is perfectly acceptable and encouraged).

Sample response:

“You know what Ken, you’re absolutely right, I need to stop all this stinkin’ thinkin’!

Just because my dad’s dying of cancer and Jerry got the house in the divorce means nothing.

I should be grateful that I have my car to sleep in…even though I’ve had to turn tricks just to pay for gas and insurance.

And oh yeah, I’m so constipated, I can barely bend over to tie my own shoes…but at least I have shoes.

Oh happy, happy day!”

Posted by Jimmy